Suicide is never the fucking answer

posted in me with 5 comments

Can we please all get on the same page as me about this?

Suicide has tangentially and not-so-tangentially appeared in my life. I have had serious depressive bouts on and off over the last couple of years and in conjunction with ongoing stresses in my life, I found myself deeply suicidal in 2010. Two weeks after my birthday in May I wound up sitting in the around in the casualty department of Galway’s University College Hospital waiting to speak to a suicide counsellor. I had taken to walking in front of cars out of a vein of self-hatred (this is the incident which inspired this site’s name).

With the support of counselling services and the shoulders of family and friends I crawled out of the pit and started to slowly work my way back into human society. After my first day of school I feel confident enough to declare that I’ve beaten the depression for now (even with our difficulties, Mariah). I do know that I’ll always have to keep one eye to windward again its unwanted return.

I’m happy to also to report that – knock on wood – I haven’t had any friends who’ve killed themselves, although I’ve had scares. I spent a few days in 2007 and again in 2008 desperately calling the family of a friend in Florida after he made clear to me that His Hour Had Come. In both instances he was saved by timely intervention by the authorities and family members. He’s still here. Today I have a second friend who still wrestles with it. You know who you are. Yes I care whether or not you are still around on this green Earth, even if I don’t get the time to sit down and actually talk to you more than once a month.

And early this morning I was saddened to learn that friend of a friend committed suicide yesterday. It never is the answer. There’s nothing else to come after you do it. No afterlife. No pearly gates or even fire, brimstone and pitchforks. Nothing but broken families and dear friend who will miss you.

Just don’t do it.

by Mark -
Tagged: , , , , , , ,

5 comments.

  • Emily gallagher

    Tuesday August 30, 2011 at 13:42

    This is a fantastic post.
    I have known many people who have gone down this road, both family and friends. It is a tragic ending of any life.
    For the family and friends the questions never end. Why did they do that? How could I have helped? Should I have seen what was happening? The sad truth is, the nature of suicide and the mindset of it’s victims means that people very rarely ever see what’s coming down the road.

  • Mark

    Tuesday August 30, 2011 at 14:17

    People call suicide selfishness, but it was selfishness that kept me alive. I am utterly irreligious and do not believe in the existence of any kind of afterlife. To me there’s nothing more than oblivion and a corpse rotting in the ground after you die. The cold thought of that was what kept me alive through the worst of it.

  • Emily gallagher

    Tuesday August 30, 2011 at 15:37

    I have never and would never say a victim of suicide was selfish. It’s just not true. I feel nothing but sympathy for them and their family and friends. I have lost count of the number of people I have known who have committed suicide, I know a number who tried and I assume I know a number who may or may not have tried but who have been to bottom of their particular barrel and kept digging.

  • Mark

    Wednesday August 31, 2011 at 07:37

    The fact that you don’t say it doesn’t preclude many other people from saying the same thing. My own point was more that my selfishness kept me alive.

  • Denis O'Donovan

    Wednesday August 31, 2011 at 10:20

    I have to agree with you Mark that it is never the answer. All that’s left behind is sadness, bitterness, anger and guilt. Unfortunately he believed very strongly in the afterlife – we often argued over it – and now I wonder did his belief make his decision that bit easier?

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