in me


Maybe the worst part of Lexapro is the blatant (and insanely unsexy) hijacking of my bowel movements: If I stay at home, I get constipated; if I go for a walk, I get diarrhea.

Thing is this: I don’t actually want to go walk. I’ve been sitting down and staring at the wall opposite me for about three weeks. Zero mental activity. Almost-zero engagement with my fellow humans, except at a distance. Disturbed sleep pattern: Awake until 5am. Wake up at 9am. Sleep again at 3pm. Rise at 7pm. Repeat.

It isn’t all bad. I finally had an epiphany about my wife and my life a few nights ago. I realized that I had been blindly and unhealthily obsessed with her because I was angry and couldn’t grasp at some deep level why and how things had come to be the way they are. In a moment I gave it all up and mentally walked away. I feel better, fresher for it. A little bit healed and a little bit ready to move on.

Now we just have to fight about the kids.

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