5 (more) things that Dune has taught me

  1. The Bene Gesserit have an axiom, mantra, saying, parable, fable, saying, or mnemonic for everything. Everything (NSFW: Cartoon boobs).
  2. The single most valuable (a decagram will buy you a house on Tupile!) substance in the known universe is a spice that will prolong your life indefinitely, allow you to pierce the veil of time and palpably heighten your cognitive abilities. This spice comes from the butt of a giant worm. That is a line of powdered worm poop you are sniffing off the butt-crack of your courtesan.
  3. Worm vomit, the so-called Water of Life, is highly poisonous until somebody spits in it. This turns it into a powerful narcotic.
  4. The Kwisatz Haderach-a man who is a human symlink, shortcut or literal “Shortening of the Way”-is pretty freaking long-winded.
  5. Kindness doesn’t pay. You are a compassionate, respectful man who is loved by his people. You wind up betrayed and murdered after you see your House destroyed almost to the last man. Your son is a ruthless human weapon who uses the skins of his enemies for his battle drums. Him and his son wind up ruling the universe for three and a half-thousand years.

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