Oh, software

Disclaimer: I’ve been furious since I came home from 091 Labs last night to discover that somebody had daubed Killer with motor oil. What kind of retarded asshole gets a thrill from doing shit like this?

So, software.

I tend to look at software in incredibly negative terms; terms such as

What features in this program fail to offend me?

and not

What features in this program amaze me?

predominate my outlook. I’ve come to recognize that I harbour a definite preference for software which has a minimal GUI, performs one job to my specifications, doesn’t contain overall bloat and preferably has some extensibility (pipes, not plugins). To pick an imaginary counterexample out of thin air, an instant message application that inserts animated advertisements into the stream of a conversation is certainly to make me manic with rage. Oh wait. Palringo. Good Christ, could you really pick a more obnoxious place to stick advertisements? Could you?

iTunes

Onto my other great sand-in-my-eyelid of today: iTunes. I’m writing this blog post under Linux because I’m genuinely afraid I’ll put my fist through my monitor. Something drastic at any rate. My jaw is sore from being clenched so hard through a whole night of doing something so theoretically simple as creating a new account. iTunes is a rolling wave of fail and frustration when I use it on my limited-performance Netbook, but unfortunately due to Apple’s myriad restrictions and well-known hatred of Linux, iTunes is still the the best way to manage my iPod and its content – but that is beyond the scope of this rant. I wanted to create a new account.

Back when I bought, trashed and replaced my iPod I set up an iTunes account. I discovered that Apple really are serious on fragmenting the iTunes Store geographically, to the point that I was simply unable to use my Mastercard – at all – because it was ultimately issued by a bank in the United Kingdom. I later discovered this by experimenting with a United Kingdom account: I could add my Mastercard to that account, but it was ultimately rejected there because I couldn’t use an Irish address.

Hark, Steve Jobs! I am trying to give you my money. Could you streamline it a bit? Hmm? For me?

Okay. Back to today. I was frustrated with not being able to purchase for-cost apps for my iPod, and I definitely felt there were some I could make good use of (a Linux command reference and an offline thesaurus jump to mind). I was pleased to discover that Apple supported an online payment service named Click and Buy, so as to offer me (me!) a second chance to give Apple my money. This is what should have happened:

  1. Mark creates a Click and Buy account.
  2. Mark creates a new iTunes account utilizing Click and Buy for payment.
  3. Mark gets a thesaurus.

Something entirely different happened actually happened over seventy-five excruciating minutes that equal the birth of my two children for fret-induction.

  1. Mark creates a Click and Buy account.
  2. Mark creates a new iTunes account and is directed to Click and Go to link accounts.
  3. Mark discovers that Apple’s redirect back into iTunes Does. Not. Work.
  4. Mark experiments with workarounds for about 30 minutes.
  5. Mark has to forcibly kill and restart iTunes six or seven times because it stops responding.
  6. Mark finally completes the process after he jumps onto another computer at the Labs.
  7. Mark has to delete all of his old apps because Apple are frankly cunts about moving them to a new account.
  8. Mark inadvertently has to download all new applications three times because iTunes serially deauthorized his computer.

I love my iPod to death (literally, almost), but if the day should come when I have to the opportunity to buy a smartphone, I am buying Android.

Update 2010-08-04 @ 07:30:

It finally scynched. Whee.

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