Trust is the sound of the soul’s last breath

(Gorgeous quote from Lord of Chaos, above)

I have disabling trust issues. I’ve been told this by family. And friends. Coworkers and associates too. By my wife and her family, friends, coworkers, and associates. And, recently, a mental health worker whose judgement I respect and trust. The problem is that while I am in no way paranoid – I don’t believe that “they are out to get me” – I do regard everybody as a potential attacker. I trust you, you hurt me.

Again: Not paranoia. There’s no conspiracy waiting in the wings to mess with me. A display of trust is the first step on a path that leads to me being hurt. This situation is based upon prior experiences. I’ve shown trust and I’ve gotten hurt for my troubles. Unfortunately this outlook becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I expect to get hurt so I self-censor, push away, offend and actively distrust to keep a distance…and wind up getting hurt.

/rant

Say something witty:

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>