Your mother is so $m that $n occurs

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  • Your mother is so fat that the hypergiant star NML Cygni has her name in the second line of its address.
  • Your mother is so fat that if she were a ISO 1216 standard sheet of paper, her size would be A-10.
  • Your mother is so fat that if she were a metropolitan statistical area, she would be classed as an ecumenopolis.
  • Your mother is so fat that she could be used as a counterweight for an equatorial skyhook.
  • Your mother is so fat that if she were a triangle the sum of her vertices would be 200°.
  • Your mother is so fat that if she were a circle, the ratio of her diameter to her circumference would be 28/7.
  • Your mother is so fat that her jiggling is weakly anticausal.
  • Your mother is so fat that watching light cross her is casual proof of the concept of simultaneity.
  • Your mother is so fat that any hotel she stays at can henceforth boast a sea view.
  • Your mother is so fat that she is Earth’s deterrent against Yog-Sothoth, Lurker at the Threshold.
  • Your mother is so fat that she can make sound in a vacuum.
  • Your mother is so fat that her Russian holiday entered history as the Tunguska Event.
  • Your mother is so fat that if set A={your mother}, then |A|=∞
  • Your mother is so stupid that she successfully divided by zero.
  • Your mother is so stupid that she thought ROT13 was a fungal infection.
  • Your mother is so fat that she won in an accretion contest with VY Canis Majoris.
  • Your mother is so fat that she is a superset of the universe.
  • Your mother is so stupid that she believes the inverse square root is a step dance.
  • Your mother is so fat that she could form the adjacent side of a parsec.
  • Your mother is so fat that the total number of her possible lexicographic permutations is infinite.
  • Your mother is so fat that is she were a point mass she would have a radius.
  • Your mother is so fat that if she were a planetary orbit, she would have an eccentricity of 0.
  • Your mother is so fat that when she was last weighed she broke the Planck scale.
  • Your mother is so fat that her bra is an example of non-Euclidean geometry.
  • Your mother is so fat that she can be found on a Hertzsprung-Russell diagram.
  • Your mother is so fat that if she appeared in Firefly, she would be Serenity.
  • Your mother is so fat that if she were a Cylon, she would be a basestar.
  • Your mother is so fat that she doesn’t have a vanishing point when viewed in perspective.
  • Your mother is so fat that ‘ballistic throw weight‘ is also a measure of her bra’s carrying capacity.
  • Your mother is so fat that she has Lagrange points.
  • Your mother is so stupid that she thought “orbital eccentricity” was another way of calling someone gay.
  • Your mother is so stupid that she thought “LaPlace resonance was a fancy foreign restaurant.
  • Your mother is so stupid that she thought mass equivalence was a cross-faith Sunday service.
  • Your mother is so stupid that she thought special relativity was a television show about incest.
  • Your mother is so fat that Hans Zimmer composed her ringtone.
  • Your mother is so fat that your mother is so fat that the mere mention of her in a conversation can cause recursion.
  • Your mother is so fat that she has her own public IPv4 block.
  • Your mother is so fat that America built PRISM to store her email.
  • Your mother is so fat that you can approximate where she is by dropping a marble on the ground and watching what direction it rolls.
  • Your mother is so fat that her far side wasn’t directly imaged until 1959.
  • You mother is so fat that in Soviet Russia, she eat food.
  • Your mother is so fat that her circulatory system has been studied in order to better understand the sun’s internal convection.
  • Your mother is so fat the she is properly considered to be co-orbital with the Earth.
  • Your mother is so fat that she wasn’t allowed a helium balloon in case she fused it.
  • Your mother is so fat that she sweats metallic hydrogen.
  • Your mother is so fat that if she were a composite number, her largest factor would ≈ ∞
  • You mother is so fat that is she were a Boolean value, she would have at least six states.
  • Your mother is so fat that Arthur Eddington first tested Einstein’s theory of special relativity by watching her eclipse the sun.
  • Your mother is so fat that accurate calculation of her weight is considered a modern-day test of P = NP.
  • Your mother is so fat that hypergiant core collapse was modelled on her sitting down.
  • Your mother is so fat that she has a theoretical Chandrasekhar limit.
  • Your mother is so fat that she caught Kessler syndrome.
  • Your mother is so fat that “your mother” is the etymological root of “kwisatz haderach.”
  • Your mother is so fat the the disparity between her projected rotation and observed rotation can only be reconciled if dark matter is present in great quantities.
  • Your mother is so fat that if she were a binary octet, she would have nine bits.
  • Your mother is so fat that the Local Group of galaxies is considered to be an exception to the cosmological principle.
  • Your mother is so fat that she has been directly blamed for the scarcity of lighter elements in the inner solar system.
  • Your mother is so fat that on a cosmological scale she is believed to be a counterbalancing force for the Great Attractor.
  • Your mother is so fat that she is suspected to be the reason that stars in the Orion arm are strongly blueshifted.
  • Your mother is so fat that particle detectors at the LHC have to account for her bearing and distance during operation.
  • Your mother is so fat that Galactica’s CAP mistook her for an incoming basestar.

by Mark -

How many avout does it take to change the light bulb?

posted in science fiction with 0 comments
  • 1 avout to change the light bulb.
  • 1 assistant to help him up the ladder, and then hold it steady.
  • 9 who have fallen back to avocations to grow a tree, chop it down, and carve it into a stepladder.
  • 5 more to collect the sand, smelt the glass, blow the bulb, and spin the wire for the bulb.
  • 6 sneaky, conniving Ita to manage the praxis powering the light bulb.
  • 300 Unarians, Decenarians, and Centarians to come together to sing the Aut of Lightbulbchanging.
  • 5 to record the Aut and sell copies at the Day Gate to slines.
  • 1 Edharian to reflect upon the existence of a perfect light bulb in the Hylean Theoric World.
  • 1 Procian to pompously declare that a light bulb has no meaning.
  • 7 to witness the ensuing Dialogue.
  • 100 Valers to study the changing of a light bulb as an example of emergenge.
  • 20 Lorites to research and discover that light bulbs were mentioned by a Saunt now two thousand years dead.
  • 1 Millenarian to mysteriously comment that light bulbs don’t exist.
  • 5 more Millenarians to nod ominously in agreement.
  • 1 “Matarrhite” to crassly mention the connection between light bulbs and the Third Sack.
  • 17 Wardens Fendant to ensure that the light bulb is free of any Sæcular influences.
  • 21 Wardens Regulant to enforce the Discipline during the changing of the bulb.
  • 1 Fraa to have an upsight about the light bulb, and then form a new philosophy around it.
  • 97 avout to split off and form their own order based upon this new Saunt’s treatise.
  • 7 Inquisitors to investigate and finally Throw Back the Bulbians for heresy.

by Mark -

Day 92: Infrared Photography is Dead

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Day 92: Infrared photography is dead

Through. Finished.

I…well where do I start? It’s been fun. Misadventures at 720nm, my infrared blog, represents a real learning experience spread out over the past few months. I’ve learned the spectrum, the light, what’s interesting and what\’s boring, but at the end of it all: The boring wins. I’ve done it all, and I’ve done it all in infrared. The thought of taking that little black filter out of its case and screwing it onto my lens makes me feel almost physically ill. I mean. Look at every infrared photograph: White trees, black sky. Boring boring boring.

I’m shifting format, effective today. I want to keep up with what I have done by staying away from visible light. In fact, I’m moving totally up the scale. Longer, bigger and better: Radio-wavelength portrait photography. Something unique, new and different enough to make me stand out from the crowd. 720 nanometers? That’s dead and gone. The kit has been ordered, delivered and assembled. The software has been loaded. The tutorials have been read. As of tomorrow Misadventures at 10 Meters will go live.

by Mark -