Self-hatred

Blackrock on a fine Sunday

Mark — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 23:33:08 +0000

Not self-hatred

Mark — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 23:30:07 +0000

Well my twenty-two month stint in Sligo is over and done with, and I can’t say for sure whether or not I miss it. On one hand, the city is tiny, completely lacks any amenities after six o’clock, can be compared to a ghost-filled wasteland, and is a three hour bus ride from anywhere with light, noise, and excitement.

On the other hand, Sligo is almost far enough away from everyone that I can start to relax.

The college year is ended, I’ve failed every single subject (not that I ever turned up for class), and I have no idea what to do with my future. Mariah wants me to get hit by a bus and brutally crushed (I’ve been told this in as many words, lolbitch), my mum wants me to give up this silliness about being depressed and get a job, my niece wants to play with me, Frank wants me to continue, and my friends have offered a vague “do whatever makes you happy, Mark.”

Vague isn’t good. The plan now is:

Cut all remaining ties with Caira and Garrett’s American relatives. They don’t give me any information on either, and it honestly just plain hurts to have that reminder shoved in my face. Sad as I am to say it, I need to let go and move on.
Verbally abuse anyone who says “YOLO,” “swag,” or “bro” without any hint of amused irony.
Study. Learn JS, C#, HTML, and CSS over the summer months, and go back in not totally at a loss.
Socialize. I’m fucked if the last year wasn’t lonely and horrible.

Let’s hope for another month of summer exams!

Mark — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 18:12:29 +0000

Frank @ Renville

Mark — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 17:48:45 +0000

Frank has been wanting to try his hand at landscape and nature shots, and so I was brought out to Renville last night for some sunset shooting. It was fantastic to be out there; I think the last time I was in the forest park was at some point in ~2010, and it honestly has not gotten any less beautiful in the three years since.

Gorgeous moonset over Galway city centre!

Mark — Fri, 24 May 2013 06:15:13 +0000

The Esso station on the Headford Road has changed quite a bit!

Mark — Tue, 21 May 2013 19:24:21 +0000

Oisin Grealish

Mark — Tue, 21 May 2013 19:21:44 +0000

[MUD] Muddy mudness

Mark — Sun, 19 May 2013 23:42:09 +0000

I’ve thrown a lot of idle thoughts at the concept of the MUD project, and it keeps coming back to me that I would be literally out of my depth. I have, to date, scarcely finished one barely-working shooter, let alone delved into the intricacies of a graphical multiplayer role-playing game.

I am going to throw myself into an easier intermediate project, a Linux arena shooter game. The core principles of the arena game will carry over to the MUD:

Peer-to-peer and client-server multiplayer connectivity.
Persistent characters, and player progression.
AI pathing.
And more…

My first steps are to finish the design document and figure out the Monogame networking API. :)

I think Killer missed me

Mark — Sun, 19 May 2013 21:04:04 +0000

Building up mental inertia

Mark — Fri, 17 May 2013 23:37:11 +0000

I’ve sunk myself into virtual worlds and escapist fantasies since last September. There was World of Warcraft (a lot of it), fantasy, novels, and the Internet as a whole to run off into while I had my breakdown. It was great. Brilliant. I need to stop now, and get back in line with the real world.

My WoW subscription runs out today, and I’m going to let it lie for a while. I’m back in Galway for a few days, to get some design and coding work done on Bigworldia. I might even have found a place to stay down here for the summer. Yay. Tomorrow I go to the doctor’s office and apply to change my G.P. to our family doctor. Something something Mark something something happy pills.

Okay.

The last year of college is a complete writeoff; I never went in, I didn’t sit any exams, and I barely even read any of the emails the campus and lecturers sent out. I in no way believe I am going to able to sit any repeat examination come July and August. I am instead just going to go repeat the year in September.

I’ve still had no contact with the children, or with Mariah, since she refused me access to them. It it something I have the means to fight, so I’ve made the choice to let it all go for now. Pack up the photographs, put them away, let it lie, and hope that one or the other decides to contact me when they’re older. I can’t get a divorce in Ireland until August 2017, which I plan to do the moment that month rolls around.

Bigworldia, as it stands, is now running in Monogame, on Linux. XNA was killed off by Microsoft, but Monogame has an active and passionate development community. I’m going to roll with this for the summer and see where I go. :D