Best. Idea. Ever.
Stoned Guys Review Films.
Seriously. I should go to the patent office right now and file for this.
On the bus to work this morning I was sitting next to a stoner who was telling his friend about Cloverfield:
”Seriously…man. It was fucking big. It was going ROAR and…people were dying. Then came and shit flew everywhere.
”Uh. Then they, you know bombed it man. Like fucking KAPOW. Then uh, someone died. And then it was over. Man. It was fucking crazy, all this shaky camera, you know?”
I wanted to hire the guy on the spot lock him in a theatre with a bag of weed.
More Christmassy goodness
Only a whole month later, but by the gods I try! Christmas photos!
I can haz candy?
Real boats rock
Nothing in this universe is perfect, shocking as this sounds.
There are times when this blog appears to me to be some kind of self-built fantasy. If you go through entries it can seem like Mariah and Caira are passing figures in my life and we never do anything, because I censor myself before I write an entry. I cut out the bad things, avoid some of the squeamish good things and on the whole tidy it up a lot. No one wants to know that we had really great sex that one night (for the record, the Earth moved), or that we had a fight over the weekend.
But we did and we had. I said something upsetting, I hear something upsetting and then five minutes later we’re both wondering just how strong our marriage is. It’s never a question that you want to ask yourself, but when the person you turn to for support tells you to get your head out of your ass (danke, bose frau) and face matters you need to stop and answer it.
I feel we don’t communicate like we should. I’m loathe to speak up on an issue for a few reasons, mostly that I’m simply uncomfortable with a face-to-face confrontation. I scurry away to write length blog posts and hope that you see them.
Wait..
We both had our reasons for shouting at each other, but in hindsight it was all just set dressing for skirting around the fact that we’re not communicating like we should. Maybe we need more Tom Cruise in our lives. Christ, who knows, he might help.
For my part in all of this, I’m sorry that I hurt you.
My brain is fried and I can’t sleep
I spend all day staring at numbers and spreadsheets, to the point that I have certain facts and trends burnt into my eyes, wind up working two hours overtime to prepare data and then come home to be mobbed by our own little monster who wants her daily ablutions (”dada, bath!” :).
Work is genuinely interesting. I’m surprising myself that I’m enjoying a job so much that basically has me stare at numbers all day. I physically count stock to control discrepancies - it’s not right to say ‘’stock loss” - I’m of the opinion that there’s very little theft ongoing, and even if someone steals a t-shirt, it’s a dollar gone. In the long term I’ll worry about it, but for the time being I worry about stock movements that cause the disappearance of hundreds of dollars of goods, such as happened today.
It’s a normal thing that I might be up or down a certain quantity of stock because 90% of the time we can account for it. The other 10% of the time it’s been weird random stuff like stock being shipped off to a vendor without anyone telling me. On rare occasions though we are completely missing an item without any explanation. The boxes have upped and vanished. When this happens (four times in the past week) I have to do something extreme and crazy like doing a complete physical check of the warehouse where the goods would be.
As I enter the counts into a spreadsheet and put numbers together I can see here that our sales staff and account executives have been poaching from a stock line for vendor and customer samples, without creating an order so we can track it. Over there I notice that a recent order of goods has been very sloppily shelved. The goods are spread across several non-adjacent bins, rather than being in one. Most important of all, I can see that that the random number generator that picks out items to be counted is really and truly broken, which was the big fact for me. I’ve been convinced for the last month that it weighs goods to be selected. It picks more active lines and more active goods within those lines. The problem is that it includes a prior count as being activity, so the more an item gets picked, the more an item gets picked.
Nice.
Alright, I think that’s enough geeking over facts that very few mundanes will appreciate. And now onto everything else that’s going on in my life.
On media, pirated and otherwise I’ve finally, at long last, had a chance to…
…watch the Simpsons film. I’m still iffy on it as I’m not sure I like how the humour has changed since I watched it regularly.
…watch Bender’s Big Score. Futurama=cake!
…listen to the full season 3 Battlestar Galactica. Great work, as always, although I think everyone else at work is really sick of drums at this stage (sorry, Christine!).
And lastly, Mariah and I went to see Cloverfield on Sunday last. Holy awesome film. :/ I’m already waiting for the sequel.
Express Elevator
Well, it’s ready for release. The Story, or at least the part of it that I both consider to be finished and able to stand on it’s own. I intend this to be ultimately part of a larger story, and I will edit it as such (some of the exposition would fit better elsewhere).
Anyways.
Express Elevator is set in the year 2073, where there’s just been a terrible accident above Io. People are screaming and things are exploding. Read it, enjoy it. Flame me for the song and dance number with buxom space bimbos, love me for the gratuitous (yet strangely touching) Martian lesbian sex scene.
Watch! Full-on antenna on antenna alien love.
…wait, that’s the sequel. Christ, just read it. I’m releasing this under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 license. This is to say you are free to alter and redistribute this work, so long as you do not charge for access or remove the original attribution to me as the author. As such I’ve also uploaded the source TEX file for easy alteration.
You can grab the TEX file here.
Feedback is absolutely welcome, either on this thread or by email to me. Work is still ongoing, I’m constantly fixing typos, rewriting sections, fixing grammar and the like.
Additional credit goes to Mariah for nit-picking my grammar, Jen for nit-picking my spelling, Tef for advice on grammar and Mofidul asking for more space battles.
Me, elsewhere
