Ja, ik weet dat ik hier vaak klagen, maar…ik ben gelukkig. Ik werk, ren, drenk bier en leer Nederlands. Alles is goed. :)
But now what now what?
It’s this same moronic question I come back to after every bitty accomplishment. Well I ran over the hill. Now what? Oh great, I tackled some ineffable inner demon. What’s next? To paraphrase the song, I don’t want what I know, but I know what I want. Everything I have done, everything I do, there’s something else next.
On Sunday I ran 25k (2 + 23.5) with a 400 metre ascent. My hydration, clothing, pace, and breaks were all as good as they could be, yet I was wide awake at one o’clock this morning wondering how I could have done it faster. It really is stupid, how I wear away my accomplishments by wanting them to be something more.
Go watch Why I Run by Exurb2a. His reasons are my reasons. Right now I’m training for Connemarathon in April and the Run Clare Half Marathon. By running more longer and more difficult courses than the race-and in any given weather-the run on the day will be easier. Today’s route (link) was my toughest yet, with a 400 metre ascent. It has never felt so good to arrive home and take a shower!
The most important tenet of my life has become the test of belief and faith. It’s tension within meaning, like how can you have a utopia except in the context of something that isn’t? This is not some kind of “hurr-durr me stronk because me fite!” tough guy nonsense, but a deep sense that although anyone can declare anything of themselves in isolation, he true test of our character comes from without.
So over the past few months I’ve begun to build a circle of friends who run. In running with them, talking to them, I’ve begun to see a Mark who’s grown and matured from the last time I took stock of myself. He’s learn and strong, with the endurance to cover kilometre after kilometre without getting out of breath. As much as running is a solo activity, it’s so wonderful to get that and to give it back to everyone else. People are awesome.
It’s weird-and good!-to see myself through everyone else’s eyes.
They’ll stab you if you say otherwise.
Taken in Howth on February 28 2019.