Mark Grealish

the life and code of a crazy cat man


The Summer Day

The Summer Day Who made the world? Who made the swan, and the black bear? Who made the grasshopper? This grasshopper, I mean- the one who has flung herself out of the grass, the one who is eating sugar out of my hand, who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and […]

LinkedIn, distilled

Someone with the job title Recruiter viewed your profile.

A karmic ditty for developers everywhere

Whenever you start to complain First take the time to git blame!


Reddit jokes aside, holy shit: I wooed Eadaoin with space facts. We would spent hours on Skype at night when we first went out, where I’d talk about the universe to help get her to sleep.

Strange days, dark days

I’m gonna say it: today was strange. A person I worked for last year committed suicide on Monday night. While I know their reasons, they aren’t mine to share, but I can understand and sympathise with their underlying motive. That I can talk about. There are a million stupid “think about the suiciders!111one” posts floating […]


Three people called me smart last week

“Intelligent,” declared one. “Clever and driven,” said another.

And then I left

In need of a beard trim, I entered a trendy new barbershop on Exchequer Street and requested one. They asked me for my name and email address.

Eadaoin’s birthday dinner was deep

It started right off with explanations of arrays and hash tables.

Hi! :)

Some neighbourly smiles from Eadaoin and I. :)

Mmm…sacrilegious coffee

There was a bunch of taff on Twitter about coffee cups…so why not?

Here’s a hypnotic spinning cyber oyster

Shit got weird this morning on Twitter.

Goddammit, Past Mark

I gave such an efficient answer that this post was the top Google result for “wall of photographs css.” I wanted to take another crack at the problem from a different angle, but no, I already have it solved. Jerk.

How well my girlfriend knows me!

These are the things I do to trash talk my girlfriend

I couldn’t tell you how the crap this started, but suddenly trash talk about cupcakes is flying thick and fast on Facebook and I’ve been challenged to a cupcake-off at the Iveagh Gardens this summer. I am so fucked.

Openbox desktop in honour of my new hard disk

Yo dawg, I heard you like divs…

Hot Potatoes is the biggest piece of shit, ever.

Yeah, to hell with the Irish lottery

6 / 45 = 0.133333333 6 / 44 = 0.1363636363636364 6 / 43 = 0.1395348837209302 6 / 42 = 0.1428571428571429 6 / 41 = 0.1463414634146341 6 / 40 = 0.15 0.133333333 * 0.1363636363636364 * 0.1395348837209302 * 0.1428571428571429 * 0.1463414634146341 * 0.15 = 0.00000795574 = 0.00000795574 * 100000 = 0.795574 0.795574 probability of a given combination […]

Soul food feast

Preamble: Compared to the Thai curry this meal was a dream to make. I already had most of the ingredients, and I was able to (with permission) take the remainder from Alanna and Casey’s stock. Chicken-fried steak is a steak fried like a chicken, so you call it “chicken-fried” (do you see a trend here?). […]

Vegan Thai curry

Preamble: The original recipe was awful. Follow the link for my entire rant about the experience, but TL;DR: 1. There were ingredients listed that weren’t used. 2. There were steps in the preparation that used ingredients which weren’t listed. Besides all of my woes in the other post, because of the shitty recipe, I fucked […]

Your mother is so $m that $n occurs

Your mother is so fat that the hypergiant star NML Cygni has her name in the second line of its address. Your mother is so fat that if she were a ISO 1216 standard sheet of paper, her size would be A-10. Your mother is so fat that if she were a metropolitan statistical area, […]

A proposal for an experiment

I have noticed that many Irish Catholics bless themselves when in proximity to, or otherwise pass a church. I conjecture it is down to one of two effect, but I cannot tell which it might be through casual observation alone: There exists a spiritual inverse-square law. Every time you halve your distance to the church, […]

Great pedants think alike



I’m using a fire, among the oldest of human technologies (say a good half million years?) while I upload files to my wife’s website using the Internet, one of our most recent (20 years).

Everyone listen to this!

Help me give my shy friend unwanted attention by listening to this and/or favouriting them:

Weirdly poignant

If you feel that your manhood is already dead, call us In my mind’s eye I’m reading this spam message to an acoustic backdrop courtesy of Godspeed You! Black Emperor. Maybe Providence. “The preacher man says that it’s the end of time.” Outside, the day is bleak. Dirty clouds sail overhead, scurrying away inland ahead […]

Round two hundred?

Khendros: Your pirate facade presents an eerie resemblence to George Clooney Mark: Arr, boobies! Khendros: Ninjas rule, sir Mark: Do you know why ninja hide in the shadows? They heard there were pirates about. Khendros: Know why pirates always wear eye patches? Because Ninjas keep stealing their fucking eyes Mark: You know why ninja wear […]

Science is cool


The world’s greatest monolgue

And there I am in Sri lanka, formerly Ceylon, at 3 am, looking for brown M&Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn’t go on stage that night. Jeff Beck pops his head round the door and mentions there’s a little sweet shop on the edge of town. We go, and it’s closed. There’s […]